So here is the thing,
I had dreams of being someone, getting places and having a bucket full of
amazing accomplishments that I can be proud of. But here I am sitting in this
familiar place with all the same surroundings and people, yet somehow I don’t
recognize myself and have nothing in common with those people.
It’s been a rough few
months, not because things have happened, quite the contrary, because things
haven’t happened. And I could blame the universe, my luck, the region or even
my self-doubt for so many of my misgivings, but I really won’t be doing myself
any favors. I am here, this is the situation and I have to deal with it.
For too long my mind
has been somewhere between wanting to give up and just live and let live- but
then I remember at my core I am built to chase, to strive, to succeed. I used
to believe that it would all make sense- all this waiting around will
eventually culminate in something that has meaning. I don’t think I am looking
for meaning anymore; I am looking for the right feeling. That gut feeling.
They say that things
are meant to just fall into place: the job, the man, the location- but in reality
it doesn’t fall into place at all, it seeps through the cracks, it hides in the
dark and you have to dig for those things, you have to find the light. The
beauty though, you can dig in the least expected of places and find them. The unknown
can always surprise you, and that is when the light comes in.
