GI Jane and Attachment Barbie

There are so many moments while I am watching Grey’s Anatomy that I wish I had a pen and paper to jot down the smart and yet subtle things they say… or yes I know I can just as easily use my good old trusty Google to find that out. But there was one thing that was said in the last episode I watched that I remembered without needing a pen or Google. Here was the line:

Dr. Teddy Altman, “I went from being GI Jane to Attachment Barbie” (talking about her new fling).

Women in relationships are different, and in different relationships are pretty much the same (of course exceptions do apply). A girl could be anywhere from GI Jane strong, unattached, emotionally aloof- or even closed off to an Attachment Barbie where her entire existence is defined by her relationship.

Both extremes are problematic- yet both extremes have their virtues too.

The GI Jane- Checks and Balances

Strong and independent.

She is able to be passive and genuine about the relationship- often resorting to appeasement just simply because any emotional reaction (or even worse action) could lead to a weakness and rupturing of the walls of her heart- the very possession she is least willing to give up or listen to.

Initially in the relationship she is cool and collected and has her emotions in check. She follows intuition and gut feeling, but not blindly. Her complete control of all situations may make her appear shrewd yet cold, but she doesn’t care- she is poised- keeping everything in check, especially her heart. Her mind works diligently, like she went through extreme boot camp; reacts to triggers astutely and faces barriers with a heightened sense of realism.

The great quality of a GI Jane, in my opinion, is her basic instinct of trust. If she trusts the guy she will give him time, freedom and space. Win, win, and win from the guy’s perspective. But that trust can easily turn against her, her passivity may make the man think she is not invested in this relationship emotionally or that she is holding back giving him affection, like random texts and phone calls in the middle of the night. The GI Jane would be the girl who fights off the urge to call the guy simply because she misses him- because that goes against her streamlined thinking- things like this put kinks in her way. And the minute she caves to those tendencies, she is on the road to attachment; the scariest feeling for a woman defined by her independence.

The Attachment Barbie- X & O’s

Delicate.

She defines herself as someone’s girlfriend- and she loves to be introduced as that. The Attachment Barbie could be a very successful surgeon, but she cannot control her feelings like she takes control in her operating room- in the relationship she is open, easy to read and extremely sensitive. She over thinks a situation, and analyzes it from all directions- forgoing realism and instead opting for extremes such as “Oh my God, he doesn’t like me, he didn’t pick up my call.” When really the man was just in a meeting. She is the jealous kind, but her jealousy is sort of the naïve jealousy that comes as a result of her attachment to the man.

At the beginning of the relationship she is sensitive to a man’s action, words, and even lack thereof. She texts him as many times as an overzealous Tweeter, and she calls him every time he crosses her mind- and that could be 15 times a day! She craves attention, and loves to shower him with hers. Her day revolves around looking forward to seeing her beau or impatiently waiting for him to call back. She can’t sleep unless she speaks to him and can’t start her mornings without his wake up call. All her conversations are about him- at work, with her friends, at the hair salon, even to complete strangers. She could exert and dedicate all her time and energy towards this new relationship- and she could be completely oblivious to the reality of the situation. Her heart is made of cotton candy- and she is easily able to give it to her “love”.

Okay, so I might have defined the Attachment Barbie with a slight negative light- but some of her seemingly “bad” or “psycho” qualities, are the very qualities that a GI Jane doesn’t possess and that men love- especially her ability to be affectionate, giving and easy to read.

So which is best?

Taking me as an example, I have a mixture of both- at the beginning of a relationship I definitely more a GI Jane, but then eventually I drop the tough girl attitude, drop my artillery and grow out my hair- but I never dye it blond- in other words I never end up as a complete Attachment Barbie- because that’s just not me- and the best person I know how to be is myself.

Bottom line, if you’re a GI Jane then continue to fight as you do, resume your position and command, don’t try to be someone you are not. And if you’re an Attachment Barbie, then continue to be sensitive, open and delicate- because that’s the person you know how to be best. Just like you should not try to change a man, don’t try to change yourself for am man. Embrace the YOU in the relationship and if he doesn’t like it, well then hunny you’re with the wrong GI Joe or Ken.